G-d Green Lights Death to All

Parsha Re'eh

Parsha Re’eh Summary: Re’eh translates as ‘See’ with Moshe finally landing on the Big Hairy Audacious Goal he had been climaxing to ever since he began the Endless Desert Tour. It’s a two-for-one deal, a blessing and a curse. The people are unimpressed and go on a G-d-sponsored rampage to annihilate every town containing idols and harlots. Kosher, tithes and mitzvahs are discussed in length alongside the three big festivals where G-d lays the groundwork for all future non-religious Jews - “when all should go to “see and be seen” before G‑d”.

---

The rampage lasted a week. It was utter destruction, total annihilation. A nuking to the core.

Town after town was deep cleansed by the religious puritans of the Chosen People. Sanctioned by General Zod and green-lit from the top, the Hebrews had a blast. They smashed their KPIs with every sandal kick of an idol and with every loincloth nudge into a fiery pit for the whores of Canaan.

This was grade-A destruction.

G-d never again wanted to witness the rebirth of a heathen nation;

“utterly destroy from all the places where the nations that you shall possess worshipped their gods, upon the lofty mountains and upon the hills, and under every lush tree.” (Deuteronomy 12:2)

Out went the unpronounceable city of Itjtawy in a hell-storm of biblical proportions.

Aten, former capital of Egypt, was crushed in a blistering burst of righteous anger.

And Acme's star-studded town of fighting gladiators and fierce super-models perished in the afterglow of ransacking mayhem.

It all made the destruction of Soddom look like a Sunday school picnic.

The Chosen People were on a crusade to quench G-d’s thirst for smiting heathens. No town was to be spared as they were all razed to the ground;

“You shall tear down their altars, smash their monuments, burn their asherim (idolatrous trees) with fire, cut down the graven images of their gods, and destroy their name from that place.” (12:3)

The Israelites made good on their promise. Future generations would struggle to recall the once-great cities unfortunate to bare the brunt of G-d’s wrath. Bureaucracy in the form of hellfire.

“Did you have a good smiting Yossi?”

“The best, Dov. Thousands purged, Baruch Hashem, may the numbers stay this big! Wait till the missus gets a gander at my loot!”

“You don’t get out much do you Yossi? I hope you haven’t brought any idols home?”

“Me? Nah…that’ll be awkward. The missus is true blood. Her uncle runs with the Levites. Imagine if he spots Bal’s misshapen head in our tent! He’ll have my guts on the lawn.”

“He’s a wild one alright. City of Beshel got burnt to the ground last night. You any part of that mob?”

“Bunch of Philistines that crowd. Their peckers were up once they heard a rumor of Midianite whoring. No stopping cancel culture when it gets a gale of righteous wind blowing.”

G-d did manage to crowbar a clause into the Torah that stated, “You shall not do so to the L‑rd, your G‑d.” A case of doing to others what you do not want doing to yourself.

Got to love the small print.