Have You Read the Instructions, Moshe?

Parshat Terumah

The Ark had very specific instructions. Image Adobe Stock.

Any Torah scholar whose interior is not like his exterior is no Torah scholar. (Talmud, Yoma 72b)

G-d is on the road 24/7. There’s never any time to stop. It’s a constant schlep from one condemned town to another. G-d needs a home and only the finest will do.

In a time before heated spa pools, cinema-sized televisions, and duvets softer than the arse of a duck, luxury equated to cedar trees and impossible-to-find animals with multi-colored coats. G-d demanded the best and handed Moses exact instructions on how to build a Mishka (commonly referred to as “the Tabernacle”).

They shall make for Me a sanctuary, and I will dwell amidst them (25:8)

Moses, rested from his forty-night extravaganza on Mount Sinai was feeling good as he galloped off early to the hardware store. Knowing G-d, this wouldn’t be a simple task. His list of instructions stretched to 179 tablets of stone. The sooner G-d caught up with the modern age and used papyrus, the better it would be for Moses’s back. 

At the hardware store, Mikha’el the apprentice had a few questions. It was Mikha’el Ben Dovid’s first day and he really didn’t want to fuck up, especially in front of Moses the prophet. His last job ended in redundancy after the swine herding trade became outlawed. This was a fresh start and so far he didn’t have to deal with anything more complicated than showing the customer where to find nails and ladders.

They shall make the ark . . . two cubits and a half shall be its length, a cubit and a half its breadth, and a cubit and a half its height (25:10)

“You see here…it says ‘breadth’. And then it’s all in halves. I don’t understand the measuring system. It’s my first day. My Boss will be back soon, perhaps you can have a word with him?”
“Mikha’el. This isn’t like the instructions G-d gave to Job. “Longer than the land is its measure, and broader than the sea” (Job 11:9).” The half sizes are symbolic but also true measurements.”
“Whose Job? And symbolic of what?”
“Torah study. Never able to master the whole.”
“Well, that’s no good, is it? You want to build your cabinet thingy today. No point in understanding half a build.”

Moses could feel his temperature rising. His stress levels threatened to boil over. 

“What about the wood? Do you have any of that in stock?” Moses asked putting at the instruction manual.

You shall make boards for the Tabernacle of shittim wood (26:15)

“Shittim? Shittim? As in ‘cedar trees’? I don’t want to be rude but, we’re in a desert, Moses. This isn’t South Egypt. We can’t just walk out and chop down a tree. Look around. Nothing but sand and manna.”

Feeling disappointed, Moses concentrated hard hoping G-d would hear his thoughts. Why G-d? Why must the Tabernacle be made out of shittim?

The voice of G-d replied.

“Don’t fret Moshe, Jacob planted cedar in Egypt. I know he’s got a stash with him. He planned on constructing a boat when he reached the Red Sea. I told him there was no need. I said unto Jacob, “I AM G-D AND I CAN PERFORM MIRACLES”, in a really loud voice. But, you know Jacob. Stubborn as a mull. Go find the meshugana and he’ll provide.”

“Thank you, G-d. One more thing. What is a menorah?”

See that you make [the menorah and its parts] after their pattern, which is shown you on the mountain (25:40)

Suddenly, a bush caught on fire with its branches shaped like a menorah. 

Moses memorized the shape making note of its eighteen handbreadths in height and set off to the dwelling of Finckleblume, the finest goldsmith in the camp. If anybody knew how to construct a candle holder ‘of beaten work’, it was him. Finckleblume once recreated the hanging gardens of Babylon out of gold using nothing more than nail clippers, two camels, and a straw.

Back at his crib, the work crew assembled to construct the ark was having difficulties. Nobody followed the instructions. Several nails were left over and a big argument blew up over the way the cherubim should face.

The cherubim shall stretch out their wings on high . . . and their faces shall look one to another (25:20)

The instruction manual contradicted itself. One passage said ‘look away’ (II Chronicles 3:13) indicating they should be facing the wall.

Nobody seemed to have a handle on G-d’s ways. Hundreds of years in the future, the conundrum of facing cherubim would be solved by Talmudic scholars. Cherubs moved on their own accord dependent on the people of Israel fulfilling G‑d’s will (Talmud, Bava Batra 99a).

Moses sighed.

He spent the last three nights tracking a mystical creature known as a ‘tachash’. They weren’t easy to find. Sometimes he felt he was the butt of G-d’s jokes. Like he was the punchline. Nobody had ever seen a ‘tachash’. He asked G-d for clarity. Was he sure he was spelling it right? Could he describe it?

You shall make a covering . . . of tachash skins above (26:14)

In the far corner of the camp, a strange creature was sighted by Maya. She wasn’t the most reliable of witnesses. There was this one time Maya believed she heard the voice of G-d and was enraptured in boils. While she convulsed and dribbled from her mouth, she pointed a finger at Moses and accused him of a false prophecy. To be clear, Maya wasn’t his favorite Israelite.

“I sees it, Moses. I swear. It was gnarly. Right big too. It had a horn and eyes as big as goblets. I swear. And claws. Them claws was fierce. They could swipe a man’s bollocks off quick-smart. I nears to crapping me pants I was. I dare not move case it sees me. And its coat…there be colors I ain’t never had no privilege to see. So many colors. Multi-colored.”

Sure enough, a ‘tachash’ was found. It was to be the last ever sighting of such a creature.

The final instruction proved to be the easiest part.

You shall make an altar . . . and you shall overlay it with copper (27:1–2)

Copper was cheap and plentiful. Moses understood the symbology behind an altar overlayed with copper. Just like copper tarnishes and then can be scrubbed clean, so the people of Israel, although they sin, repent and are forgiven. (Midrash HaGadol)

The Tabernacle was almost complete. G-d will be pleased.

Moses took a break on the seventh day allowing the construction workers to return home. He couldn’t help but smile as he gazed upon the magnificent, incredibly detailed, Mishkan.