Moses Deals with his Clinical Depression

Parsha Va'etchanan

Parsha Summary: The Long Goodbye continues for Moses as additional dates are added to the tour. Enthused by the early reception, Moses extends his speech by four hours with an assortment of random laws, a few admonitions, and the odd story. By the time the encore rolls around, Moses is left depressed when he realizes his life no longer has a purpose.

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Moses slowly walked back to his tent. He had an appointment with G-d who frowned upon tardiness. The Grand Speech had left him feeling empty, anchorless, drifting through the motions. Even the sight of a plague-ridden Midianite failed to raise his spirits.

Moses reflected upon his Performance Review, a fiery judgment by G-d filed for eternity. He was not rewarded for his crisis management or his leadership abilities. Moses felt angry and confused. It was as if he had been set up to fail with an impossible-to-achieve standard. Today, Moses decided, he would confront G-d in his penultimate therapy session.

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“Moshe, make yourself comfortable. Lie down. Relax. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Thank you, Hashem. I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m feeling underappreciated. I don’t think the Israelites like me very much.

“Our role as leaders isn’t to be liked, Moshe. Or even loved. Being a leader can be a lonely path to tread.”

“I understand that, but when I tell them to ‘hearken’, all I get is sniggers. Or when I mention “lest you forget the things which your eyes have seen (4:9),” the response is…underwhelming. Nothing but blank stares. There’s always one bright spark who says, “I can’t even remember what I did ten minutes ago let alone forget what I’ve seen for breakfast!” Lord, give me strength!”

“Moshe, heckling is part of our ways.”

“But that’s not even the worse of it. Your appointment of Joshua as my successor…”

“Yes. A fine choice.”

“I wasn’t even consulted. I led the people for forty years and have no say in the matter. I thought our relationship was different. I thought we had a rapport. You blast a plague and I get some schmuck to run through the congregation healing. You say hold up your arms and part a sea and I give you a grand show! I’m the wind beneath your wings! I’m your diamond among a sea of glass! I’m your fish out of the water!”

“I don’t think that last metaphor works…”

“I’ve sacrificed everything to be the man you wanted me to be!”

“Well, I did get Abraham to almost sacrifice his firstborn…”

“I gave up my flock! Barsheeba was the most beautiful lamb in the entire kingdom and you made me leave her and my profession to go speak to some spoilt brat of a Pharoah. Did I question you? Did I second guess your motives?”

“It was a good plan, Moshe. You have to admit the execution was perfect. I created a legend that day.”

“It’s ALWAYS about you! I have needs too! Maybe I want to spend more time with my wife.”

“The Midian woman?”

“SHE HAS A NAME! I know you’ve tried your hardest to wipe out her entire clan, but SHE HAS A NAME!”

“Sure, sure, Moshe. Zipporah. I know that. I know everything.”

“And see everything. And hear everything. For you are the Great Creator. And yet there was no warning over the golden calf? No words of wisdom of what I was about to see when I descended from Mount Sinai? You wanted me angry, didn’t you? You’re so judgy. Always wanting to feel superior to everyone. Always punishing the slightest misdeeds with death.”

“Moshe, taking my name in vain is worthy of stoning. The people love it. Did you see the crowd for the stick-gatherer breaking my Sabbath law? Oh boy, what an event! You played that one like a blinder, Moshe!”

“I don’t think you’re listening to me.”

“Frankly, I’ve heard enough.”

“I want to go to the Promised Land. There. I said it. I want in. I want to see the giant fruit for myself. I want to feel the warm Canaan grass on my bare feet. I want to rub the golden syrup upon my skin.”

“Moshe. This isn’t about you. I warned you about striking the rock.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“It was very vague. Ambiguous.”

“It was quite clear, Moshe. Talk to the rock.”

“Uhhhhhh….the rock. The ROCK! Ben Zonna! THAT STUPID ROCK! IT’S A ROCK, HASHEM! A ROCK!”

“And there it is…your temper."

“I deserve better.”

“Moshe, I work in mysterious ways. I am answerable to no one. I am the authority, the son, and the heir. I am the Lord and Master of all I survey. I am G-d. Whatever I decree is the law. Out of respect for all the years we have traveled together, I pass no judgment upon you, bar one. Thou shall not enter the Land of Milk and Honey.”

“It’s the only one that counts, Hashem.”

“Enough! Speak no more to Me of this matter.

“Go up to the top of the summit, and lift up your eyes westward, northward, southward and eastward, and see with your eyes; for you shall not cross this Jordan.

“Instruct Joshua, encourage him, and strengthen him; for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which you shall see. (3:26-28)”

“So much for therapy…”

With that, Moses glumly left his tent to gather the Chosen People one last time and to deliver G-d’s final message.